I am feeling quite disconnected. And to be quite honest, it's pissing me off. Hub Hub is in his own little world lately, and is keeping me out of it without really realizing it. I tried talking to him last night, but all I got out of it was "I dunno". I hate not knowing what is going on in that head of his. That really is just the way he is. Nothing hardly bothers him, and he is just an even chilled type of guy. But I can tell something is just not right. I don't know if he isn't telling me because he thinks I can't handle it, but what I really can't handle is not knowing. I told him all this already, but I didn't get very far. Sometimes he thinks too much about me, and not enough about himself. Which is very sweet, and adorable, but I need him to think of himself too, because for me to be well, I need him to be well. It's a viscous circle.I know things are crazy right now, with the move, and everything else we have going, but I still don't like this feeling.I am having the whole numb thing again with the damn meds. I dunno whats worse, being off them, or being on them. urggh.
Another issue I am trying to deal with is being so damn sensitive. I let everything get to me. And it digs deep. If someone else is having a bad day, to me it means I did something wrong, and they hate me. um.. ok. See I told you I'm nuts. Why does everything have to be my fault? I haven't figured that out yet.
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I don't know what meds you're on, but you need to stay on them. Don't take yourself off either. Adjusting to them is hell and it may take a lot of trial and error to find a good fit, but don't worry, you will. It took me... um, ten years?... but I was on and off them and not very consistent until I had to be hospitalized in January. Now I'm on a good set of meds and they really help.
I'm really sensitive too. You have to remember some people are just in their own world too, and that's just not your fault. Just smile liek you mean it and keep a goo doutlook. Everything will be okay!
I do have to give you alot of credit. You really helped me realize that just because I have issues, doesn't make me any less of a person.. even when I feel that way.
You being so upfront and honest about all the shit you have gone through really helped me talk about mine.. I felt so ashamed.. i still do, but because of your strength, you are helping me get stronger.
I adore you, and think you are such an amazing person. The fact you can deal with all of that on top of being a mom, and a fiance is truly amazing. I wish I had an ounce of your strength!
oh pish posh-- i still have my days. jenny, youre the best!
thank you though, that means a lot to me <3
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