Potty Mouth *#^&@

I have never been very good at filtering. How do you turn on one personality and turn the other off. I didn't come with that switch. Maybe I need to go see a mechanic, or a therapist. Same difference. Going to work and turning on professional YoYo and shutting off the angry, slightly bitter, wicked sensitive, sweet hearted, blunt self can be quite difficult. To sum it up, I guess I have a really hard time shouting my mouth. I am fabulous at shoving my foot in it. So good in fact, I could do it for a living, just shoving my foot in my mouth all day. Do they make flavored nail polish? I should look into that.

Censoring myself is not something I do quite well either. I love curse words. The dirtier the better. I dunno why. I feel kinda naughty even saying them, like I am some kind of badass. It's not like I'm any kind of tough guy, so let me enjoy the limited dark side I do have, ok. If I could, every other word out of my mouth would be one of those wonderful curse words. Hell, even the word "curse" sounds badass. CURSE!! (shivers) Stop laughing at me.

When I go to visit my parents I have the hardest time not spilling garbage out of my mouth. which is why I try and talk as little while I am there. Nodding as often as possible, limit my conversations. I leave with such neck pain, getting in my car an open my mouth and spew all the build up so I can breathe again. I have to keep in mind any bystanders who aren't aware of the situation might think I have Turrets Syndrome and might be scared for their safety. I think I get scared for my safety.

Can you imagine how much fun I am at church! I am not much of a churchgoer, but when I do (weddings, funerals, baptism.. all that booring stuff) I usually sit by myself since everyone is afraid of me getting them in trouble by the priest. I mean honestly, it's not like he can come off his stage, yes stage, and slap you in front of the Big G. He would totally go to Hell, and be grounded for quite awhile. You don't scare me Mr. Priest. (sticking tongue out and making a raspberry noise) .

I think Church is hysterical. I mean have you truly listened to the crap they come up with? Why has no one told me about the Big G's sense of humor? He's a riot. And the fact that he can impregnate a chick without even having sex with her sounds like a pretty nifty trick. Seems to me he skipped the fun part, but whatever floats his boat. Do you think he could supply me with a full bank account with out actually stealing it from somewhere else? He can impregnate my Account!! That was a knee slapper right there folks!
I hope your laughing.. appreciate my humor will ya please!