Ripped to shreds

All last week was just one of those times that everyone was under a lot of pressure, and had their plate overflowing. It happens, sometimes things get crazy. That was last week, hence my lack of posting. Well, Friday was the nail on the coffin for me.



There was an incident where a fellow employee ripped into me for no reason other than the fact that I was there and an easy target. Fortunately for me and my tears we were not face to face, it all happened over the phone while we were both in our own offices. There is absolutely no exceptions for any human being to talk to another this way. I am extremely sensitive, so crying is usually my first reaction. Not proud of it, and it can get extremely embarrassing especially while at work, but I can't change how my body reacts to an attack no matter how hard I try. Besides being sensitive, I thought I would have been a bit stronger than what I was. At first I did try to stick up for myself as professionally as I could, meaning not throwing a fit and running to mommy, but it seemed the more I did defend myself, the harder I got hit with insults.

So I sat there, and took it. That infuriates me.



For the most part this individual is someone that I enjoy talking to, and getting as much knowledge from as I can. They are extremely educated, and I enjoy hearing their opinions and views on a number of things. Sometimes I do feel a cold shoulder, or being unfairly judged for being me, but nothing that I couldn't get past. You can't become every one's best friend, and love every single thing about everyone. I knew that the relationship we had would be censored a certain way, but that's not different from the way most people are with co-workers. But then Friday came, and went, and I am left sitting in a pile of shit that they made for me. I felt useless, a waste of space, and a failure. They left me not only replaying all the blows they hit me with, but also with my own bully, myself. Sitting here and telling myself the truth to the insults, and how I deserved it. Over and over, and over...



Apparently from time to time they have done this type of things to others. It hasn't happened in quite a while, which is why I was not aware of this before. The good definitely out weighs the bad for the most part, and they work their ass off, and overall are an important assest to the business. So firing them is not something that I would want, nor expect to happen. I will have to continue working with this individual, and pretty closely. There will most likely be a meeting of sorts with them and the owners. Not looking forward to this at all. I have no idea which direction this could go in, it ending up being my fault, or they apologize, I don't know. My biggest worry is, how will I look at this person in the eyes without seeing how ugly they made me feel?



People who smile and act like everything is right in the world, and just ignore what had happened makes me want to stab them in their eyes. But now I will be one of them, one of the fakers. Ick. Depending on how the meeting goes, this person will want me to forgive them, and I will have to, just like that life goes on. Work needs to get done, and I need to get over it. And most likely I will, but right now I'm pissed and hurt and I want to throw messy pies in their face.



Oh and p.s. I'm not cleaning it up either!