Womanly needs

Hub Hub turned me down last night.

He was "tired".

Isn't that what I'm suppose to say?

Or my head hurts?

I don't know why I'm surprised, I usually have to be the one that asks for it, or the one who initiates it. blah.

I am totally the male in our relationship. "ohhh not tonight hunny, I'm really tired."

Pussy.

So am I, but that doesn't mean my va-ja-jay isn't wide awake. WTH? ass.

After finally falling asleep, I dreamt of something so fitting, I was prego.

Well I can't get prego, if I keep getting turned down, now can I?

Moving on... To put all the worries aside, I'm not with child, I just ended the wonders of being a women yesterday, so we are ok there.



I loved my big round belly.. I remember I kept holding it, and rubbing it. Which is something I really like to do whenever I see a soon to be mommy. I want to go and attack that belly and just rub it the whole time. I have no idea why.. I don't understand half of the things that go through my head.. it's kinda scary in there. My family showered me with attention, and it was so apparent how happy they were, not just for me, but also to be getting a grandchild, or niece/nephew from me. They were psyched. I obviously loved the attention, I usually only get that kind of attention when I have down something very bad, so positive attention, right on!



Everything was so happy, and cheerful and lovey in my dream.. why did I have to wake up?

Now I would love to have a babes, I can't wait to do that with my Hub Hub, regardless of the amount of hatred I have for him at the current moment for denying my female needs, I adore him, and melt anytime I even see him with a child, never mind our own. I know he will love his children with every bone in his body, and it will be adorable. However, reality is so far from my dream. The amount of medication I have to take to just get through the day, and even yet, not always that well, is too risky for any one trying to conceive. I couldn't imagine trying to make it through the next hour, never mind 9mths without them.

And just like everyone else, we can't afford a child. Those damn things are more expensive than a damn car. The car's usually have the accessories included, not a child though, you have to buy that shit separately. I do have to admit that I give anyone my age with their own little families an amazing amount of credit. High fives!!

But the dream was really cute.. and I kind of miss rubbing that belly, it was relaxing.



Just in case anyone actually reads this, sorry I have mia for the last few days.. having a hard time convincing myself that anyone gives a shit about anything I would have to say, including myself. self esteem and me, we aren't very friendly lately.