November hates me, just as much as Jesus does. Only on day 11, and yet I am so over this month. Today was almost just as painful as yesterday, but overwhelmingly more uncomfortable. I felt like the damage had been done, and today the wound was exposed, and bleeding everywhere, causing a mess that wasn't my fault, yet I am still the one bleeding.
It's funny how I try and work on my issues, and my general hatred for people, and try and be more open, and let people in, and then the door gets slammed, right into my face. Just a sweet little reminder of why I like to live in my own safe little world, and not bother anymore. People are cruel, and nasty, and consistently manipulative. And I wonder why I'm on medication.
I had finally found a job I love, a job I feel confident in, a place where I can belong, a place where I am actually cared about not only as an employee, but a person. I have shared more of me with them, then I ever expected, and vice versa. They let me into their lives, their homes, and I consider them family. One person, just one, has continued to belittle, and jeopardize all of this. And the worst part, it's just a game to them. there is no truth behind it, no actual wrong doing. The problem is, is that I am me. That simple, they just don't like me.
Which is in no way my problem. I don't expect to be everyone's favorite person, nor do I think everyone I come into contact with, will like me or me them. Which is fine, no hard feelings, no grudges. Life goes on, and move on. However when the games start being played, and insults are being thrown, that's when I draw the line. They are now messing with a place I have worked extremely hard for to get to, and I am no longer going to sit back and be their floor mat.
I am honest, to a fault at times, I am sincere, stern when I have to, considerate, and an individual who works hard to make sure I do my job to the best of my ability. When it comes to this job I have put a lot of effort in to working on taking constructive criticism and learning from it, but most importantly admitting when I am wrong. It is extremely rare for me to say anything positive about myself, but I take pride in the fact that I am able to do this. Admitting when you are wrong, and letting your guard down is a huge thing, and I always respect, and admire when anyone is able to accomplish that. It took many years to be able to do this, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet in other aspects of my life, but when it comes to work, I got it. So if I have wronged this person, or even if there was the slightest possibility that something that was said could have been taken any other way than how I meant to say it, I still would have apologized. Because yes, sometimes you may not realize how a person interpreted what was said.
There was no chance, there was no issue, there was just games, and I am losing. The worst part of losing is, I just went all in.
It's funny how I try and work on my issues, and my general hatred for people, and try and be more open, and let people in, and then the door gets slammed, right into my face. Just a sweet little reminder of why I like to live in my own safe little world, and not bother anymore. People are cruel, and nasty, and consistently manipulative. And I wonder why I'm on medication.
I had finally found a job I love, a job I feel confident in, a place where I can belong, a place where I am actually cared about not only as an employee, but a person. I have shared more of me with them, then I ever expected, and vice versa. They let me into their lives, their homes, and I consider them family. One person, just one, has continued to belittle, and jeopardize all of this. And the worst part, it's just a game to them. there is no truth behind it, no actual wrong doing. The problem is, is that I am me. That simple, they just don't like me.
Which is in no way my problem. I don't expect to be everyone's favorite person, nor do I think everyone I come into contact with, will like me or me them. Which is fine, no hard feelings, no grudges. Life goes on, and move on. However when the games start being played, and insults are being thrown, that's when I draw the line. They are now messing with a place I have worked extremely hard for to get to, and I am no longer going to sit back and be their floor mat. I am honest, to a fault at times, I am sincere, stern when I have to, considerate, and an individual who works hard to make sure I do my job to the best of my ability. When it comes to this job I have put a lot of effort in to working on taking constructive criticism and learning from it, but most importantly admitting when I am wrong. It is extremely rare for me to say anything positive about myself, but I take pride in the fact that I am able to do this. Admitting when you are wrong, and letting your guard down is a huge thing, and I always respect, and admire when anyone is able to accomplish that. It took many years to be able to do this, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet in other aspects of my life, but when it comes to work, I got it. So if I have wronged this person, or even if there was the slightest possibility that something that was said could have been taken any other way than how I meant to say it, I still would have apologized. Because yes, sometimes you may not realize how a person interpreted what was said.
There was no chance, there was no issue, there was just games, and I am losing. The worst part of losing is, I just went all in.
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4 comments:
tell that girl to shut the fuck up and leave you alone, youre not 6, youre not playing high school games, she can go fuck herself. then, ignore her to the point where she actually questions her existence. easy peasey!
You gotta be me: and by that, I mean be the teacher. Pretend she is a child, since she's acting like one. People who act like they are four get treated like they are four: "If you'd like to talk to me, you can come back when you're able to talk in a calm voice." or "I can see that you're really upset, and while I'd like to talk to you about it, I absolutely Will.Not.Allow. you to speak to me like that," and then just walk away.
I know it's SOOO much easier said than done, and that you and I both tend to take things personally and then think "damn I shoulda..." but she's looking for a reaction, and giving her none will either A) piss her off to the point that everybody else sees what a grade A bitch she's being or B) flummox her so greatly that she'll think thrice before coming after you again.
That's my advice anyways. Call me (you know.. on the phone type thingee) and we could dissect her... I mean it: the plan. IT. :D
Love you, Love, Me
Miss Kolleen, you are way too adorable for your own good, and I have decided that I am going to have to carry you around in my pocket.
I know you "Anonymous"
You are right, in all ways, what else is new, but I'm not nearly as well put together as others. And she is way toooo smart for her own good. I still can't get over how well and intelligent her insults were. I tend to stick with the more obvious ones, bitch, ass licker, cootie queen, (trying to stay as p.g. as I can for ya.
I think I am just going to stay in bed, it's soft and warm here... you two in?
you wouldnt believe how many people want me in their pockets!
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