No pressure

Thursday, what a tease. It is only around to remind us that we are close but not close enough to having a few days to ourselves to catch up with the rest of the world. That's just cruel, damn you Thursdays!!

Hub Hub and I decided to stop by my parents after work. My mom and my older sis were babysitting Lil bit, who is not so little anymore. She has these bipolar curls growing out of her exceedingly large, but adorable head. Not only are the curls beautiful, but her hair has decided to grow in like a mullet. Not much happening on top. I thought she was too young to be sportin a comb over. You can't laugh though, because she happens to be the cutest thing since Tinkerbell.

For a two and a half year old, she has the personality and spunk of a much older woman. She plays everyone like a damn fiddle. Those curls, she knows how to use them. Hub Hub and I don't see her much, but when we do, we can't get enough her multiple character faces. She busts them out at the most random times, and all we can do is sit in aw at this little comedian, and pray that our Depends will last long enough for us to get home and change.

My sis and I are pretty close. I mean as close as I really let anyone be. Mom and I, well, I can't figure her out exactly. Nana was her mother, so losing your mom, I can imagine puts you through hell and back, and I don't really think she has gotten past that. She changed after January, and hasn't gotten any better. She tries to play the whole "I'm fine" game, not sure if she is really trying to convince herself, or us. I worry about her, she lost an unbelievably amount of weight, in a very short time. But she will never ask for help, or admit that she needs it.

When I was younger, and still in the dark about the shit storm we all call life, I dreamt about what I would do when I grew up. I never cared about the actual work I did, just as long as I was wealthy enough to take care of my parents and be able to protect them from all the crap life can bring. I wanted to bubble wrap them for safe keeping, and not allow things to happen that can alter exactly who they are. I failed. Of course I did, could I have picked a more impossible dream. No pressure there. Dumb ass.

I can see my parents getting older, and losing the image I had of them when I was younger, and it makes me what to shit myself. I hate the idea of them perishing away, and not having them stay in the mold I need them to be in. My father is an amazingly strong, and crafty man. My mother is a snuggle bunny that just makes me feel so protected and safe. This is the mold I need them to stay in. Again impossible, I get it, Jesus hates me.

Mom and I chatted a bit, but not like we used to. She used to be quite a funny lady. Pretty sure she isn't seeing alot of humor in things nowadays, and I don't blame her.

There is going to be quite a number of changes happening in our family, there always is. It is going to be hard, and difficult, and amazing, and heartbreaking, and I want to hide from it as if it was the plague.

I will be under my bed, don't try and find me!